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Chapter 5
(without photos) of
HOW TO EUROPE
The Complete Travelers Handbook
Internet edition.
A page from
Enjoy-Europe.com
by
John Bermont
Do not wear the emperor's clothes. Put on something a
little more modest.
CLOTHING GUIDELINES
What will you wear to Europe? This is a major concern, but it is
secondary. The real question is how much? You are infinitely
better off going with nothing but an umbrella and a toothbrush than
with the load you would typically bring on a vacation in the United
States.
Pack Light
As every traveler and chronicler of the subject relates,
pack light. Seldom does anyone define the meaning of pack light,
except to present a list of clothes and accessories to bring, no
such list ever being universally practical. To enjoy travel, you
must pack light. To define pack light, travel with your chosen load
and see for yourself if it is convenient and gives you the freedom
you need.
Dress Sharp
It pays to be well presented, with a European flavor.
Europeans are clothes conscious. Northern Europeans look somber,
while brighter colors are more common as you go south. Clothes
represent personality and social status. People wear
their better clothes almost all the time.
Europeans seeing you for the first time and only briefly
will judge you completely by your appearance, and will behave
accordingly. Unfortunately for the traveler, most of your personal
contact in Europe will be with hotel clerks and cafe waiters. To
secure a good room, good table, and good service, dress as if you
deserve it. In fact, you will be stopped at the door of many places
if you are not properly dressed.
Be Comfortable
In addition, you must keep yourself comfortable. Northern
European weather is generally cooler, wetter, and more variable
than in the United States. South of the Alps and Pyrenees it can be
warm and stuffy just about any time of the year. Walking in and out
of museums, restaurants, and stores may force you to off and on
your coat. In stores the heat from those little halogen lamps can
be very uncomfortable. Be ready for rain or shine, hot or cold.
Pack Light Field Test
I propose the following test, preferably taken in a light
rain.
Pack everything, put on your hat and coat, open your
umbrella, (raining or not), check the time, and walk one mile away
from home with everything you have. Then, pretending you are trying
to catch a train or trying to get to the tourist office before it
closes, run or walk home. If you can make the round trip
comfortably within 45 minutes, you have packed light. It is best if
your test course includes a short, steep hill or several flights of
stairs, upwards on the return leg.
Also make sure that all of your traveling companions can
pass the pack light field test. If not, old friends may become
lifetime enemies. Failure to obey the pack light rule will doom you
in so many ways that you will be better off to stay home and water
your tomatoes. Those taking a cruise or tour may think that they
can escape this rule, but be aware that porters and taxis are
usually scarce and/or expensive.
RECOMMENDED CLOTHING
Rules for the easy traveler, then, are rather formidable:
1. Pack light
2. Dress sharp
3. Be comfortable
Typical Tourist Clothing
The clothes worn by most American tourists announce them as
Americans better than any trilingual poster ever could. From the
ground up you're wearing: jogger or tennis shoes, worn Levi's,
collared tee shirt, and ski jacket, with a backpack. If you are
past the age of backpacks, your oversized plastic suitcase will
even more effectively identify you as an American.
Go Like a Local
For a number of reasons you are better off looking like a
local citizen rather than a standard American tourist. Don't
misinterpret this. I love the USA and all that it
represents, but I try to avoid being an American billboard when I
travel overseas. The primary reason is to avoid being a target of
pickpockets, a breed endemic in Europe. You might also think that
it could avoid being caught up in terrorist bombings as London had
in July 2005. That is probably not an issue since the murdering
sons of bitches just kill anybody, including fellow Muslims praying
at their local mosque.
For many years my personal preference was a pair
of black slip-on shoes, wool/polyester blend slacks, turtleneck
shirt, and sport coat. This ensemble will get you through almost
any door in Europe with reasonable respect, keep you comfortable
under most weather conditions, and allow you to blend in without
being instantly identified as "the American."
The wool/polyester blend slacks look more like wool than
plastic, but they wash drip dry. You won't need to iron these
if you care for them according to the label. Levi Strauss has introduced
a new Dockers line available in several colors besides the normal khaki.
A couple of pairs of the dark charcoal served me well throughout Europe
on my January 2006 trip. Turtleneck shirts are
not common in America. In fact I couldn't find a single one in December 2005.
The men's shops all said that they weren't in style this year. Booosh! You can find them in
ski clothing shops. If you are not in ski country get catalogs from Lands End
and from L.L Bean for a good selection. I ended up buying
a couple of good cotton T-necks at the V+D department store after I arrived in Holland.
An open collar dress shirt is a good substitute for the turtleneck in warmer weather.
In very few restaurants is a tie required, though you'll see them
often in better establishments. For off-season travel, I also bring a
lightweight turtleneck sweater.
My sport coat has a herringbone pattern and travels very well
without showing wrinkles or minor stains.
Levi's
Levi's and other brands of denim jeans became fashionable in
Europe in the 1990's. Levi's are now tolerated in many cafés
and restaurants during the day. However, regular slacks are much
more common as street wear in major cities throughout Europe. Based on my
observations of people walking through the central train stations of Europe
less than 20% were wearing denim jeans. The preference
for the vast majority, men and women, young and old, was black slacks.
Slacks are also much more in harmony with packing light. Levi's are
heavy and bulky, and take a day to dry out when they get rained on. If you do
wear denim, select a lightweight pair with a bit of fashion. You might want
to consider wearing Levi slacks rather than Levi jeans. Levi Strauss
makes a good looking line called "Action Slacks." These are 100% Dacron
and travel very well. Wash them off in the shower at night and hang them to
drip dry by morning. I have a couple pairs in black. I recently switched to another
Levi Strauss product for my European travels and everyday wear. These are
charcoal Dockers, 55% cotton and
45% MicroPolyester, style number 405189256. They are very comfortable
and look like dress slacks.
When strolling in major cities in the summer a lightweight pair of black slacks
or skirt plus a white top will serve you well. This
is standard attire for a large percentage of the native populations, and tourists from
other European countries.
I have no ambition of being a clothing cop so accept this chapter as you will.
The advice is based on my personal experience in Europe.
Yeah sure, you can wear your back yard jeans or shorts, t-shirt or no shirt,
sneakers or flip flops,
and that is the way you will be viewed and treated in the cosmopolitan
cities throughout Europe. Expect no respect.
Dressing well does not have to apply only to Europe. I had drifted into wearing
Levis at my local pub in Michigan a few years ago. One night last summer I was
returning home from an event where I was wearing a jacket and slacks and decided to stop in at
Oscar's, my regular place, to shoot some eight ball. It wasn't long before a young
lady about half my age started bumping into me and making strong eye contact. After that
I started wearing slacks and a dress shirt when I went to Oscar's. Approachments by young dames has happened
again and again to the point that it has become
embarrassing, but I won't brag on it. Guys, listen up here! Dress sharp and you
won't need all those bull drop lines to meet a girl in Europe, or anywhere.
I would expect that a woman dressed in Levi's would normally be approached by a man
in more or less the same low-life outfit. It's only speculation, but I guess that if you
want to meet the prince of your dreams in Europe you would dress to the nines. Why not? Besides,
women in Levi's are about the most asexual creatures on the earth. I don't know why girls wear Levis. They are so unflattering to the derrière.
And it won't cost you much to dress better. It will probably cost you less than that name brand stuff. Think,
have you been to your local second hand store recently. They
have some great stuff at laughingly ridiculous low prices. You will want to tell your
friends, as I have just done. Male speaking, I just bought a London Fog brand, zipper in liner,
trench coat for $40. It looks better than the the one in my closet that I bought 15 years ago
for $140. Well, I must admit that it is a bit out of fashion. Most coats in Europe are black and the length is just above the knee, so this thing is the wrong color and a foot too long per current styles.
Layers
Dress in "layers." This means dressing in items that can be added to or
removed individually without changing everything when the weather
changes. For example, instead of a heavy overcoat wear a sweater and a windbreaker.
If it gets too warm in the afternoon take off the sweater and carry it in a shopping bag.
Dressing in layers requires that all of your clothes be complementary
and mixable. Dark, neutral, and earth colors tend to avoid fashion
clashes, and do not need cleaning as often as lighter colors.
Shoes
In Europe you'll notice all sorts of footwear boots,
clogs, tennis, joggers, sandals, army issue, and Italian fashion.
Many people will see and examine your shoes before their eyes come
up to meet yours, if they ever do.
Appearance is important.
Wear a good looking, durable, broken-in pair of shoes. Your average
American department store shoes will probably be mistaken for
Italian fashion. Perfect. An average pair of polished black
slip-ons will get you in the door anywhere. Also, rubber soles will
survive far better than leather soles on the rain soaked sidewalks
of Europe.
Instead of shoes, I have become a convert to sandals, more
specifically Birkenstocks, a German brand. Once you break in a pair
of Birkenstocks you will never go back to shoes again, except for
during stormy weather. You won't even want to go barefoot again.
Birkenstocks have a half inch of cork between the hard rubber bottom and the
leather part you rest your feet in. Cork is very easy to walk on. You can
go all day in these things. I
recommend black socks with the Birkenstocks, unless you are at the beach.
Birkenstocks are expensive so you can make this one of your purchases when
in Germany, at prices 50% less than the American prices.
Carry an extra pair of shoes since it is likely that your
shoes will get soaked occasionally. If you invest in a pair with
natural leather uppers, you can oil them to the point that they
resist water like wax paper. Use mink oil or equivalent once a
week.
Again, do not wear any kind of sports shoes, e.g. tennis,
jogging, or whatever else they call them these days. I was with
some business associates in The Hague a few years ago and we
decided to take a pub crawl. Two of them had just bought new jogger
shoes and wore these out for the evening stroll. Several places
would not allow them in the door. These places were just your
average Dutch cafés and bars, not fancy or up-scale. And
my associates were businessmen in their 50s, certainly good potential
customers in any establishment. Those doormen want to keep their jobs so they keep the
off-spec people outside. Nothing looks clunkier than fresh
white tennies. I've heard that the French call them marshmellows.
In my Amsterdam and Brussels train station observations,
jogger shoes were worn by less than 5% of those passing through, usually
by young people with backpacks.
An alternative for those who like tennies is the Florsheim line
of shoes called "Comfortech." These are light weight black slip-ons with a cushion
bottom. They look great at a distance and will get you past any maitre d'
or doorman.
Rain Gear
Weather protection is essential. Bring a telescoping
umbrella. You can find umbrellas which slide down to under 10 inches.
A lightweight hooded mackintosh is very
handy for those frequent all day rains. A light pair of leather
gloves and a hat are helpful for off-season travel, and can even be
useful in northern Europe in the summer.
WOMEN'S WEAR
Friends who have read this book often say that it is overly male oriented. A major reason,
perhaps, is my discussion of clothing, but the attitude probably
surfaces in other areas as well. I've seen packing lists
on the internet written by women who must have had a platoon on hand to carry
their utterly essential stuff. Some girls claim that they simply can't
travel with only a carry-on bag, and some bring everything
but the kitchen sink on a weekend sortie.
Here's How
I used to travel like that but learned the hard way how to
do it the easy way. For a weekend trip to Paris with my Dutch girl
friend many years ago I packed two suitcases with six days worth of
extra clothes and other just-in-case stuff and drove over to pick her up.
I was amazed. She wore a black jumpsuit, colorful scarf, a
fashionable raincoat, and carried a slightly
oversized purse with everything she needed. Although our room was a
nice one in an above average
hotel, there was hardly enough space to hang my things or stash the
suitcases. My precious Paris time was wasted putting things away,
deciding what to wear, and repacking everything.
Women writers can give you
plenty of tips for advice on how to pack light. For encouragement and advice, ladies
should consult the books of Mesdames
Dena Kaye,
Georgia Hesse ,
Louise Purwin Zobel ,
and Eleanor Adams Baxel .
Some of these books are decades old but the advice is timeless.
Another great source of clothing advice for women is on line at
JourneyWoman.
This is a collection of first-hand reader-submitted comments for
countries around the world, with a generous helping for every
country in Europe.
Friendly Helpers
Pack light girls. Yes, you can do it. Yes, you must.
In fact it is more important for women to pack light than
for men. Remember if you pack it you carry it, you burro
you. And if you have too much and some helpful stranger offers to
give you a hand in a train station or tourist office, chances are nine out
of ten that he is helping himself. You might have nothing left to
carry when he is done with you.
You wonder why a guy would steal a
woman's suitcase? He probably has a girl friend who would be
overjoyed with some American clothes and toiletries. If your
suitcase takes a walk, I hope that you didn't hide your money and
passport in it; cash, I.D., and clothes what a score! I wrote
this paragraph decades ago and recently saw the film "French Kiss" with
Kevin Kline and Meg Ryan. It is a hoot for Francophiles and graphically
illustrates my point. I give Kevin first billing for his great characterization.
By the way, when the friendly helper is done with your
suitcase, you might look to see if you still have a purse. One of
his buddies standing nearby probably picked that off as the first
cavalier distracted you with his charming accented English. This
scenario sounds a little harsh, but this is the real world, not the
fantasy feely-good world created by most travel writers. See
chapter 8 for advice on avoiding Jesse James and the
bandit gangs. They're everywhere, and they rarely work alone.
BUSINESS WEAR
Casual is not cool.
No Dockers
Americans traveling to Europe on business must wear their
best. Impression is critical in doing business overseas. If you
wear khaki Dockers to work because they are so
comfortable, put them aside for your trip. A dark plain lightweight
wool suit will be accepted for all
occasions. Use it for after work social events as well.
The Tie Is the Thing
White shirts are fine and are always OK. You'll see many men
wearing colors. I prefer a light blue. Ties from the top fashion names,
or knock-offs, are the order of the day.
Women on Business
Ladies, please please please leave your Madeline Albright suits at
home. Better yet just throw them in the trash. Those tight pastel
skirts and jackets are screaming yuk absolutely horrible.
What you should do is pack a neutral dark pants
suit, a few of your best blouses, and a couple of splashy scarves or a string of pearls. I
am so happy that our present Secretary of State, Dr. Condoleezza Rice,
looks right sharp all over the world, and presents an image
that all Americans can really be proud of. She is cool, so cool. Imitate her
and you won't go wrong.
Bring only the jewelry
that you can afford to have stolen.
BEACH WEAR
Speedos are the tradional beach wear for men in Europe. Younger fellows have taken up
with California surfer style trunks which they wear over the speedos.
Women normally wear one piece and two piece suits as in the USA. However a large percentage of
women leave the top half of the bikini at home. Topless girls are everywhere. And the
tonga is popular, showing 99% of the derrière and leaving not much to the imagination.
To leave even less to the imagination and not wear anything go to one of the nude beaches.
Going naked is allowed on designated coastal beaches and inland waterways throughout Europe.
LAUNDRY
Unfortunately you do have to wash your clothes while
traveling. There are several ways to get it done. In packing light you need only 3 days
worth of everything plus the clothes on your back. This means a laundry job
twice a week.
Hotel Service
In standard tourist class hotels you rarely see a laundry
bag, a normal item in American motels. When I have found the
laundry bag in Europe I almost used it for something else after
reading the prices. It would be cheaper to buy new clothes at
American prices, but you won't find American prices in Europe. If
the hotel does not have a cleaning or laundry service, the desk
clerk will be able to direct you to a dry cleaner or laundromat.
If you are on an extended business trip you probably must
use the hotel service because you don't have time to do it
yourself. Some miserly Dilbert managers will single out this item
on your expense report and try to disallow it. Stand your ground.
When having dry cleaning done, make sure that cleaning is
done and not just pressing. Write down the native word for
cleaning. If there are spots or stains, point them out to the
attendant. Spot removal can't be guaranteed because the spot may be
due to loss of dye rather than misdirected spaghetti sauce or wine.
Hostel "Service"
If you are using hostels as you travel, for the economy or the camaraderie, you are likely to find a washing machine in a side room. This will be one of the most convenient and cheapest opportunities for washing your clothes. If you are traveling in high season you may have to wait in line to use the machine.
These facilities will be strictly self-service. If you don't understand the workings of the machine, ask. If you put your stuff in and come back six hours later you can expect to see your clothes dumped on any adjacent table or chair. Someone else needed to wash. Do likewise if you need to, but ask the manager first. Just because the machine has stopped does not mean that the wash is finished. It may be on one of its pauses.
Before starting ask what the fee is if it is not posted. You may or may not need to furnish your own suds.
Laundromats
Public laundromats are usually attended, sometimes are coin
operated, normally have restricted hours, and are typically closed one or two days a
week. European machines are smaller than American ones and take one hour
or more per load. Part way through the wash cycle the machine
pauses for an extended soak.
If you allow the laundromat to do
the wash for you the attendant will set the temperature depending
on the color of your clothes. Attendants follow the rules on the
machine, period. Your permanent press white shirts will probably be
boiled and returned as permanently wrinkled. I suggest that you do
it yourself in a coin machine. If you can't read the directions,
ask around to see if someone speaks English. If that fails, watch
the others. Temperatures are in Celsius, a.k.a. centigrade. For
information on Celsius see chapter 27, "The Metric System in Europe."
The price of one load of wash can be three dollars or more.
Detergent will be available, either in single load sizes from a
coin automat or free from a soap tub in the laundromat.
Dryers are similar to ours so you should have no
difficulty. Dryers normally run on a ten minute cycle and the cost
is reasonable.
Lonely Planet is the only guide book series which locates
laundromats in the major cities. Use their maps and legend to find
a place to wash your clothes. You don't necessarily want to ask
your hotel. The manager may direct you to one of his associates or
sub-contractors. That is not always your best deal.
Wash Basin or Bidet
It's the old fashioned way. If you do not want to go to a
laundromat then you must scrub, soak, rinse, wring, and hang to dry.
Almost every hotel room in France is posted, "Don't wash
your clothes in the room, and don't eat in the room" free
translation from le français (French). My theory is
that if no drip marks or crumbs are left on the floor, the spirit
of the hotel keeper's request is honored. Hand washing clothes in
your room will certainly save you money, will probably occupy less of
your time, and will relieve you of the uncertainty of delay due to
sometimes service. Picnicking in your room has exactly the same
benefits. See chapter 15, "Eating Your Way Through Europe."
Instead of doing your laundry in the wash basin, use the
bidet. A letter from a reader of an earlier edition asked if this
is sanitary. The bidet is clean so why not? You can let your
laundry soak for a while and still be able to brush your teeth and
wash your face.
Wring out your
underwear and hang it over the usually present radiator. It will be
warm and dry by morning. But dust off the radiator first. And do
the wash early in the evening since the heat is often turned off at
night and then comes back on for a few hours in the morning.
One challenge to the scrub-it-yourselfer will be in hanging your clothes
if they are still
dripping. This applies to slacks, skirts, shirts, blouses, and other
outer-wear. If you have no bathtub or shower in the room, use a
newspaper to catch the drips. Sometimes a bit of ingenuity will be
needed to figure out what to tie your line on. Some rooms are
almost impossible. Strapping tape can sometimes come to the rescue.
See chapter 6, "A Packing List for Europe."
Take your wash down in the morning so that the chambermaid doesn't observe. You don't
need a confrontation with the hotel keeper. If your clothes are still damp just hang
them in the closet, if there is one.
BUYING EUROPEAN CLOTHES
Buying clothes in Europe can be a challenge. Clothing is
cut differently, partly for style and partly to fit the build of
the average citizen. This varies considerably from country to
country.
Size Conversion Tables
Take care in using the clothing size conversion tables
presented in travel books. Tables differ. Sales clerks are seldom
knowledgeable or helpful on this. They know less about American
sizes than you can learn about European sizes. Size tables are
posted in some of the large department stores, though in some
stores I have seen conflicting conversion tables for American to
European sizes on the wall and on garment packages. I have bought
the same size under shorts with the same brand name in two different
European countries. One was loose and one was tight.
The True Test
If you buy clothes in Europe, have yourself measured by a
competent salesperson, if you can find one. Measurements and sizes will normally be in
centimeters. See chapter 27, "The Metric System in Europe" if you don't know what this is.
Men's shirt sleeves are measured
from the shoulders, not the spine. Also try the garment on.
Ascertain whether or not it will shrink when washed. Cotton items
purchased in Europe will probably shrink. Buy something a size too big, maybe two sizes over.
HAIR
Although it is not something that most of us pack for a
trip, hair is an important part of your wardrobe in the context of
your appearance.
Men
The long grizzly look is characteristic of laborers and
dopey students, just as it is in the United States. Before you go,
get a haircut. Short hair is much easier to take care of, an
important consideration while traveling. But, don't get a military
trim. That's too short.
The morning shave is probably the one thing most men wish
they could do without, but it might be better to continue shaving.
Beards invoke suspicion in many people (e.g., customs agents and
airport security folks), fear in some (e.g., young women), and instant
dislike in most of the rest (e.g., hotel clerks and maitres d').
You don't need hassles and rejections from these folks while you
are traveling. But then again, wearing a beard saves time and trouble
in the morning so make your own call on this. Try to keep it neatly
trimmed if you have a beard. I have had a beard for many years, on and off.
I put up with the hassles for the convenience of avoiding the morning scrape.
See chapter 6, "A Packing List for Europe" to learn a better way to shave — with vinegar.
Women
Traditionally, European women do not shave their legs. But they
seldom show much leg (except at the beach) since their dresses and skirts
overlap their boots. An American woman traveling in Europe could
easily escape the regular leg shaving. In addition, many European
women do not shave under their arms. These traditions are crumbling and
women generally shave these days. Whether or not to
go traditional is a matter of personal taste.
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