Hack job
Don't hail Taxi, a tired comedy undermined by the acting of Jimmy Fallon (annoying) and Queen Latifah (on cruise control).
By STEVE PERSALL, Times Film Critic
Published October 7, 2004
Catching a cab during Manhattan's rush hour is easier than finding a decent joke in Taxi, the latest film proving that a Not Ready for Prime Time Player isn't ready for the movies, either.
Jimmy Fallon, arguably the most annoying Saturday Night Live performer since Joe Piscopo, goes the usual cops-and-robbers route taken by countless TV comedians hoping to become movie stars. As a cop, he's everything that would get a guy fired from the force. As a robber, he'll do just fine stealing moviegoers' money until they wise up.
Fallon plays Andy Washburn, a discredit to New York's police department after plowing his cruiser into one of those fruit stands that never remains intact in sloppy action comedies. His boss, incredibly foxy Lt. Marta Robbins (Jennifer Esposito), even more incredibly dated Andy before her promotion, so he gets a little more leash. A muzzle would be more appropriate to stifle Fallon's nervous line deliveries.
When a bank robbery occurs, Andy hails a cab driven by feisty Belle Williams, a walk-through role for Queen Latifah, Fallon's accomplice in ticket-sale crime. They can't stand each other, so they're perfect partners in such circumstances; he mumbles, she shrieks, and they act endangered while stunt drivers do all the hard work.
It turns out the robberies are performed by a gang of hotties led by supermodel Gisele Bundchen. Even more unbelievable is Belle's taxi, a souped-up Crown Victoria that goes Transformer on occasion with air spoilers, a supercharger and cool rims. Nearly as unbelievable is that in a film titled Taxi, Andy and Belle spend so little time riding in one. This is something like Collateral with no interest.
The plot slackens with intrusions by Belle's hunky lover (Henry Simmons) and Andy's alcoholic mother (Ann-Margret, who should be ashamed). Everyone plods through the obligatory explosions and gunfights, car wrecks that went out of style 20 years ago, and a brush with laughing gas when it's the audience that could use it. Tired stuff, and neither Fallon nor Latifah attempt anything to freshen it up.
The only notable thing about Taxi is Twentieth Century Fox's handling of its opening date and advance screenings. The movie was supposed to open Friday, but screenings weren't scheduled until Wednesday night to keep critics from spreading the bad news too soon. Then Fox figured the news would be so bad that it opened the film on Wednesday to squeeze out a day or two of ticket sales before Fallon's comedy bits hit the pans.
Here's the kicker: Fox already gave out tickets to free screenings Wednesday and tonight that are still planned, so a few hundred people will see the movie for free. They're still getting ripped off.
Grade: D
Taxi
Director: Tim Story
Cast: Queen Latifah, Jimmy Fallon, Jennifer Esposito, Gisele Bundchen, Ann-Margret, Henry Simmons
Screenplay: Robert Ben Garant, Thomas Lennon, Jim Kouf
Rating: PG-13; profanity, sensuality, brief violence
Running time: 97 min.
[Last modified October 7, 2004, 00:28:15]
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